BUT WHAT IF THEY STEAL MY WORDS???

OK, so we all know words are mischievous little devils - you've read/seen enough sci-fi to be suitably terrified at the prospect of an excessive build up of uncared for words. 

But seriously. 

So a guy buys an online subscription to a dictionary.  Apparently to make his paranoid delusions more eloquent.  And is DISTRAUGHT at the clearly dangerous and negligent practise of emailing him his log-in details. Well.  Sir, how else would you like me to notify you how to use this precious tome?  By post?  But what if the evil monkeys steal the mail and throw it in the river, or chuck it down the back of the sofa, or use it to build cosy tree nests?  I guess there's always carrier pigeons... and nobody ever thought of capturing a carrier pigeon to read the treasured secrets within.  I could always tell you over the phone.  Except that due to fears of superassassins discovering your underground Lair of Impregnability you won't give me your phone number.  So I guess we're back to email then.

I mean, it's a revolutionary thought.  But
Bear with me here....
You could,
You could always change the password...., no?  OK. 

I guess it's safest if we leave the words unexposed to Thieves of Learning.  Probably for the best. 

Missing: one bike and set of marbles

Just when you think you're getting a fingertip grasp on the human condition, Life has a little chuckle.  I had a call today from a charity shop manager who arrived into work to find a bike thrown through the window.  The donor of this generous gift (which was in perfect working order) had it seems got cold through the night - broken the window and left a fiver on the counter to pay for a fleece.  

Presumably though he no longer required transportation as the fleece was noted for it's distinct lack of either wheels or wings.